BigFoot Zombie will Play Jack Wilson and Stamas Bro Aristotle will Portray the Title Role in the Japanese Remake of “Shane!”

Stamas Bros
From left to right woman passes out balloons to attendees at a promotional event in North Fork, CA (near Fresno) announcing the “Shane” remake. Stamas Bro Aristotle can be seen in poster “mock up” in front of which stands BigFoot Zombie who is looking forward to his thespian debut.

Breaking News! Alert the press!

The original movie “Shane,” based on the book by the late Jack Schaefer, is considered to be one of the all time Classic Westerns. It was nominated for six Academy Awards including “Best Picture” and took one Oscar home. It is this fine picture that is being redone in a Japanese version because there is a loophole in the motion picture rights in the Far East.

Stamas Bro “Shane” Aristotle is the grandson of author Jack Schaefer. As Aristotle stood by his grandfather’s bedside just before Mr. Schaefer passed away, his last words (which were to Aristotle) were:

“Aristotle my boy, my last dying request is that you make a Japanese version of Shane with you in the lead role.”

And then Jack’s eyes close and he goes on to the western style deep valleys in the sky.

The film was in development when Stamas Bro Aristotle, knowing that he was valuable to the production because he was a blood relative of author Jack Schaefer, made three demands of the Japanese movie’s producers.

1. He demands a trailer.
2. When served bread, he insists that the crust be removed.
3. And finally, the villain role of Jack Wilson must be acted by the wooly one.

BigFoot Zombie was of course honored to have his friend get him the role of the bad guy so we invited him along with Stamas to talk about the cutting edge cinematic venture at a North Fork (near Fresno) promotional event.

BigFoot Zombie and Stamas Bro Aristotle show up fashionably late and as BigFoot Zombie goes into nearby shrubbery to “commune with nature,” Aristotle immediately takes charge of the attendees.

ARISTOTLE
Quiet people. Quiet. Settle down. I have something to say!

By this time all the event guests have stopped talking and stare questioningly at Stamas Bro Aristotle.

Aristotle looks toward the balloon lady and reaches out his hand.

ARISTOTLE
May I have a red one?

She gives him a red balloon and Aristotle continues speaking.

ARISTOTLE
As some of you know, I am the grandson of the late Jack Schaefer – the author of the book “Shane” – which is why I was cast in the motion picture. The producers want to include this fact in the marketing. But I am very much against nepotism.

The guests all simultaneously nod their heads in agreement.

ARISTOTLE
Unfortunately my brother, Stamas Bro Homer was unable to make it here today because he has business in New York to attend to. But if he was here right now I’m sure he’d back me up on my being horrified at the notion of using family connections to get ahead.

Aristotle ties his balloon onto his left wrist followed by removing from a pocket a small bottle of whisky, unscrewing the cap, and taking a swig. As he embarks on a monologue he continues to drink the whisky throughout and gets more and more inebriated.

ARISTOLE
In fact I’m not just against nepotism, but I am also very ANTI name dropping. I mean if I wanted to drop a few names I’d mention that not only am I the fruit of the loom of Grandpappy Jack, but I’m also distantly related to Burl Ives the folk singer – who is also known for lending his voice to the character of “The Snowman Narrator” in the December 6, 1964 Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Special that they STILL play on TV today! And then of course there’s another relative of mine, also from the Ives side: Charles Ives, who was an American modernist composer and is one of the first American composers of international renown. Not only that. My great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was Elder Brewster who was the Minister onboard of the Mayflower boat that arrived on the 9th of November, 1620. Google it. You’ll find there are paintings online of him by famous artists from the 1600’s. And because of his education and stature he became the LEADER of the Mayflower folks. He practically INVENTED Thanksgiving. But like I said, I’m not going to mention any of that because touting who I am related to just isn’t in my DNA!

Suddenly BigFoot Zombie jumps out from behind a bush growling!

Thankfully Stamas Bro Aristotle speaks the language of BigFoot Zombies and is able to interpret the animalistic sounds into English for the group.

ARISTOTLE
BFZ says he wants us to perform a scene from the “Shane” screenplay.

As it turns out, there is a professional interpreter in the audience who can speak in 32 animal tongues who comes forward to lend his skills. Now with BigFoot Zombie interpreter in tow for the Jack Wilson part, man and beast put on a show. This was a great way to close the event and demonstrated the exciting cutting edge artistry we have to look forward to when “Shane 2: Live from Tokyo” is completed and released. Sadly Godzilla, whose participation has been secured to embody the role of Joey Starrett, was unavailable for the brief performance.

Shane : So you’re Jack Wilson.

Jack Wilson : What’s that mean to you, Shane?

Shane : I’ve heard about you.

Jack Wilson : What have you heard, Shane?

Shane : I’ve heard that you’re a low-down Yankee liar.

Jack Wilson : Prove it.

A stunned audience slowly begins to applaud prompting SBA and BFZ take a bow.

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FIN