Did You Know the Loch Ness Monster Has a Nickname?
Many people have unsuccessfully sought out the monster in the depths of water in the Loch Ness in Scotland…Until now. The Stamas Bros, who often get confused for being another set of Stamas Bros who make boats, were asked by their good friend BigFoot Zombie, currently residing in The Bronx, to find his missing pal the Loch Ness Monster (or as he affectionally calls her, Nessie). Nessie must have checked out the website “Celebify,” because she is pretty darn famous for someone whose very existence is questioned. The last time the Stamas Bros saw this lizard like creature she asked for a little help with her yacht.
It’s Close to Inverness?
According to Wikipedia the Loch Ness is a large, deep, freshwater loch in the Scottish Highlands extending for approximately 37 kilometers southwest of Inverness. If you’re ever there the bros encourage you to try Haggis, but they emphasize it MUST be eaten with a side of neeps and tatties.
Gastropub to the Rescue!
Unfortunately the Stamas Bros were unable to get to Scotland so they did the next best thing: they went to Highlands NYC in in the West Village which is a Scottish restaurant.
Being in a Straightjacket can be a Killjoy
Stamas Bro Aristotle was still in New York following getting Stamas Bro Homer released from a recent bout in an insane asylum where he had been kept in a straightjacket in a padded room. In recounting the experience Homer recommended that folks avoid such an incident themselves . He must have been pretty serious about this, because he even went so far as to say that staying in a loony bin is worse than eating Haggis without neeps and tatties!
Even Stamas Bros Can Get Inebriated
At the Highland NYC eatery, Stamas Bro Homer got a bit tipsy on a Rusty Nail which consists of Drambuie that is a liqueur that has been produced commercially in the city of Edinburgh since the early 20th century and consists of a blend of Scotch whisky, honey, herbs and spices. And no, we’re not going to do another neeps and tatties joke!
Not to be Confused with the TV Show that Was Broadcast from September 12, 1954, to March 25, 1973
As bagpipers began to play “I Love A Lassie” Stamas Bro Homer jumped onto a table and began sing along but got the lyrics confused:
“I love a Nessie, a bonnie Hielan’ Loch Ness Monster Nessie, if you saw her you would fancy her as well, I met her in September, popped the question in November, so I’ll soon be havin’ her a’ to ma-sel’!”
Harry Wouldn’t be Happy
A bit embarrassed by the lyrical switcharoo, Stamas Bro Homer sat down and hoped he had not upset the spirit of the late Harry Lauder.
But the lyrical switch gave Stamas Bro Aristotle an idea. He exclaimed:
“I know where Nessie is! I know where Nessie is!”
Dialing for “Sasquatch Undead”
The Bros immediately phoned their famous friend BigFoot Zombie who had only recently gotten a mobile phone, but of the disposable type. He had been saving up for a full fledged iPhone, but instead spent his savings on a P.A. system so he could growl loudly for BigFoot Zombie searchers, even if he had a bout of Bronchitis.
The Ending Needs Some Work
BFZ didn’t hear the ring because he was listening to Billy Joel. Please note, we’d love to end this segment with having Stamas Bro Aristotle say his plan to find Nessie and it be hysterical. Unfortunately we’ve hit a creative block and the best we can do is leave you while saying “Don’t forget the neeps and tatties!”
To Become Well Known Like BigFoot Zombie (this is a commercial)