We here at BigFootZombie.com are very excited about yesterday’s Total Solar Eclipse and are intrigued to find out how many major eclipses this big hairy creature has experienced. Why? Because if we look at the eclipse timeline we might get a better idea on how old Bigfoot Zombie is, which is something he has never before been willing to disclose. We were also curious as to whether or not he was genetically linked to werewolves. And if so, will he howl when the eclipse occurs?
Will He Howl?
The results are in. He does not howl at the moon, but we can attest to the fact after watching the Total Solar Eclipse with him yesterday, he does seem to grunt more than usual. And yes, he shared with us the major eclipses he has lived through thereby indirectly revealing his age. Read below to see the list, courtesy of Wikipedia, of these eclipses as well as for the first time in history learn how many years this Sasquatch Undead has been among us.
Notable Eclipses During Bigfoot Zombie’s Life
29 May 1919: this total eclipse was photographed by Arthur Eddington to verify general relativity (see Eddington experiment)
20 June 1955: longest total eclipse between 1901 and 2000, lasting a maximum of 7 minutes and 8 seconds
30 June 1973: a Concorde jet flew along the path, thereby extending the length of totality to 74 min.
29 March 1987: second hybrid eclipse in less than one year
11 July 1991: Solar eclipse with the shortest gamma, of only -0.00412.
31 July 2000: the second solar eclipse within one calendar month, the first being on 2000 July 1.
14 December 2020: eclipse watched with B.Z.
We now know that our friend who wears a size 17 sneaker is at least 101 years old!
Look, we’re not trying to pass this plastic BigFootZombie as the real BigFootZombie, nothing could be further from the truth. We are merely using it as a demonstration of what’s been happening lately with the big hairy one now that we are living through a Coronavirus episode.
Medical Masks On
You see BFZ is affected by it too. Case in point we were unable to get him to pose for us for this photo. He is currently in Inwood Hill Park in a tree filled area with his medical mask in place. We have our medical masks on also just out of view from the camera frame.
So what’s the point of this photo of a plastic BigFootZombie in the park? We’re letting you know that no one is safe from COVID-19 so please be responsible and safe.
Yes, you’re seeing what you might be thinking you’re seeing above. It’s an artist’s rendering of Big foot Zombie splitting into a rainbow which happens when BFZ is very upset. The symbolism of the rainbow is that it represents all the various colors of Big Foot Zombie’s emotions. The source of his sad mood is that he believes that John Yianni Stamas, inventor of the Big Foot Zombie character, has been ignoring him lately, After all, the last post on this blog was on October 5th, approximately six months ago.
When asked for a comment, Mr. Stamas assured BFZ Magazine and Blog that nothing could be further from the truth. Big Foot Zombie is always on his mind. It’s just that he has been consumed with a new website he has been creating entitled USA How To. USAhowto.com is the organization that John Yianni Stamas founded to help media freelancers to find work. He has asked Big Foot Zombie to not move from the Bronx where he resides at Pelham Bay Park, which is the largest park in New York City at 2,765 acres in size. Stamas and Big Foot Zombie have a special area of the park where they meet. John says he is going to the park today anyway to write an article for Bronx News NYC. Mr. Zombie was not available for comment because today he is dead to the world.
This is a message from me, yes me, BigFoot Zombie himself. Look, I’ll be frank. I’m going to tell it like it is. Being a mythical creature ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. My days are filled with making crunching sounds in the woods so that those who are seeking to prove I’m real will at least have something to talk about.
BFZ Takes His Mission Seriously
It comes down to being responsible to carry out in the 21st century the excitement that folklore can bring to folks.
you may ask,
“…If you’re able to do things like work with the Stamas Bros on marketing campaigns, doesn’t that ruin the mystique of the the question of your existence?”
Great question. No, strangely enough it doesn’t ruin the mystique of my existence because when I publicly work with my buds, the Stamas Bros, on promotional projects like How to Get New Customers, people just assume it’s a publicity stunt and that I’m actually a guy in a suit.
A Society that no Longer Believes in Magic
You see, everyone’s so jaded that the don’t believe in anything anymore, let alone that BigFoot Zombie would be designing websites and doing marketing work. Well I am working on a campaign with the Stamas Bros. A campaign for a brand new website called How to Get More Customers.
A Word of Advice from “The Footster
I think why I’m doing what I’m doing is because despite not being believed for what I am, I still believe in make-believe. I mean, if you’re going to believe in something you may as well believe in fairies, elves and gremlins. In fact, I’ve never met a gremlin I didn’t like. They are kissing cousins with leprechauns.
Leprechauns are Terrific Entertainers
Leprechauns by the way are terrific entertainers. “Leprechaun in the Hood” is one of my all time favorite movies. If you haven’t seen it yet you should really check it out. Warwick Davis is awesome in it. I sat next to him in a vendor booth at a comic convention. He is a little bit grumpy though. I accidently set something down on his table and he was peeved.
It’s been a while since BFZ has let it all out in terms of what he’s been up to lately. We caught up with Sasquatch Undead and he opened up to share his feelings about the pressures of being a topic of folklore.
MM: First off, thank you sir for talking with us. I know you’re very busy with scaring tourists and all that.
BFZ: My job is not to scare tourists but rather I’m a Dream Peddler. I peddle dreams of scientific possibility. In truth science knows very little in relation to what it COULD know in 2020 if we weren’t on this path.
MM: What happens in 2020?
BFZ: We find out if science has any meaning anymore. Me and Lochy (Loch Ness Monster) were talking the other day about how times have changed recently. It used to be that there was a curiosity about spotting us and so on, but according to Marty (Martian) sighting opportunities of us folks have gone down 35% in the last few years. Now that’s scary!
MM: Yes. We heard you were concerned about the general perception of climate change.
BFZ: Yeah. If climate change studies are on the chopping block, what hope is there for interest in spotting folks like me and the gang?!
Let’s face it, BigFoot Sr. (Jr. doesn’t participate in “surprise” photos, he’s an accountant) has more traction and publicity than BigFoot Zombie does. Some speculate that BigFoot Zombie is both a Sasquatch and a “Night of the Living Dead Creature.” In short, many marketers agree that the reason BFZ is not as popular as BF is has to do with him confusing people. Is he a BigFoot or is he a Zombie? Agency folks have recommended that BigFoot Zombie make a decision regarding who he will do advertisement campaigns toward, will it be BigFoot Fan Clubs or Zombie Fan Clubs? BigFoot Zombie doesn’t listen to the naysayers and has taken possession of building his own brand sans the “so called experts.” BigFoot Zombie sees himself being twice the draw instead of having conflicting image issues like the promotional camp asserts. So how did BigFoot Zombie manage to become a mythic legend despite the critics chopping down his approach? Simple. He combined his artistic side with his entrepreneur side and became an ArtisticPreneur. This way he had the passion of the artist and the business smarts of the entrepreneur. In other words he burns his own career path and has become a formidable force advocating for himself and telling his story just like the site ArtisticPreneur suggests. You go BigFoot Zombie!
To Become a Famous Musician or not to Become a Famous Musician?
Let’s face it. BigFoot Zombie would make a great rock star and he knows it. He’s never tried to become a music celebrity before because he never had the bandwidth due to his busy schedule and passionate commitment to keeping the “BigFoot Zombie” myth and legend alive by letting himself be “accidentally” be caught on camera in very blurry photos like the one shown in this post. And FYI the agreement between BFZ and the photographers of his pictures is that they must shoot photos that are blurry so that no one is positively sure BigFoot Zombie even really exists. It keeps the drama going.
BigFoot Zombie’s Big Issue of Pursuing the Career of Performing Tunes
BigFoot Zombie is in a quandary folks. Because of the blurry photos and film clips taken of him he’s already got the visibility necessary to piggy back it to become a vocalist as a solo career or even as the leader of a band. He can’t sing very well but that’s never stopped a lot of people from seeking and even achieving stardom. Here’s the problem though: he doesn’t want to do blurry music videos. He feels as an artist that appearing crisp and clear in his music clips is vital because he has been learning the ancient Japanese art of Kabuki and for it to be fully experienced one’s image of it must solidly be in focus.
The History of Out of Focus Photos of BigFoot Zombie is a Family Affair
BigFoot Zombie is driven like nobody’s business to win a Grammy by the time he’s 61 years old. Reporters first began writing about him in October (the month of Halloween) 1958. The famous photo of him that we include in this article is actually that of his mother Matilda who was gathering grub for her son. Because at the time this picture was taken BFZ was just a cute little baby BigFoot Zombie , much too young to appear in intentionally poorly done images.
Putting Aside for the Moment the In Focus versus Not in Focus Issue Concerning Making Music Videos
Now putting the music video issue aside, BigFoot Zombie becomes determined to achieve fame in the music world. To do so he goes to two different consultants. The first consultant who is very “New Age” and “in the moment” as well as eats Vegan, gave BFZ this advice for becoming a rock star in 3 steps:
1. Smile. 2. Listen. 3. Be.
BigFoot Zombie Considers the Crystal Carrying Consultant’s 3 Steps to the Rock ‘n Roll Bigtime
BigFoot Zombie didn’t like SMILING, he was known as not being a good LISTENER (growling without really hearing the other person) and the “BE” thing really got him. When he asked the New Age consultant how to “Be” the suggestion was get into a meditative position and then to breath in and breath out listening to the breath. As we’ve already established BigFoot Zombie was not a good listener, not even of his own breath. So Smile/Listen/Be as the 3 steps to be just like KISS and Off Every Day (his two favorite bands) just didn’t feel right to the furry guy. Hence he sought out the 2nd consultant who promoted himself as being a “Realist not an Idealist.”
The Realist Consultant’s Feedback
When BigFoot Zombie told the Realist Consultant of the New Age Consultant’s suggestion to smile, listen and “be” this set off the second consultant who began to angrily rant:
“No. Not true. These are the real 3 REAL steps to become a rock star:
1. Make sure you have a self entitled personality and the outlook that everyone is wrong except for YOU.
2. Focus on that part of YOU that is childish and believes you’re entitled and deserving of whatever you want.
3. When you play your music YOU must believe to the core that it is not only better than anyone else’s but that anybody who doesn’t buy your tunes is a complete idiot.”
We Need Your Feedback
Which of the two consultant’s advice do you think BigFoot Zombie should take to become a Rock Star? Or should the living legend not even bother with a music career and instead focus (ironic use of the word) on what he does best, which is “getting caught” on camera? Let us know so we can pass it on to BFZ! Thanks!
UPDATE (Approximately 3 Hours Later)
Thanks readers for your highly valued opinions. It seems that the majority of you (93.3 %) are of the opinion that BigFoot Zombie in order to become a pop icon music artist should implement these three steps: “(1) Smile, (2) Listen, (3) Be.”
UPDATE (1 Day Later)
Bigfoot Zombie has taken the fans’ recommendation and is currently at a Yoga Camp somewhere in Madera County. He’s NOT under the spotlight yet but he IS eating vegetarian (he likes eggs too much to go Vegan right off the bat).