BigFoot Zombie will Play Jack Wilson and Stamas Bro Aristotle will Portray the Title Role in the Japanese Remake of “Shane!”

Stamas Bros
From left to right woman passes out balloons to attendees at a promotional event in North Fork, CA (near Fresno) announcing the “Shane” remake. Stamas Bro Aristotle can be seen in poster “mock up” in front of which stands BigFoot Zombie who is looking forward to his thespian debut.

Breaking News! Alert the press!

The original movie “Shane,” based on the book by the late Jack Schaefer, is considered to be one of the all time Classic Westerns. It was nominated for six Academy Awards including “Best Picture” and took one Oscar home. It is this fine picture that is being redone in a Japanese version because there is a loophole in the motion picture rights in the Far East.

Stamas Bro “Shane” Aristotle is the grandson of author Jack Schaefer. As Aristotle stood by his grandfather’s bedside just before Mr. Schaefer passed away, his last words (which were to Aristotle) were:

“Aristotle my boy, my last dying request is that you make a Japanese version of Shane with you in the lead role.”

And then Jack’s eyes close and he goes on to the western style deep valleys in the sky.

The film was in development when Stamas Bro Aristotle, knowing that he was valuable to the production because he was a blood relative of author Jack Schaefer, made three demands of the Japanese movie’s producers.

1. He demands a trailer.
2. When served bread, he insists that the crust be removed.
3. And finally, the villain role of Jack Wilson must be acted by the wooly one.

BigFoot Zombie was of course honored to have his friend get him the role of the bad guy so we invited him along with Stamas to talk about the cutting edge cinematic venture at a North Fork (near Fresno) promotional event.

BigFoot Zombie and Stamas Bro Aristotle show up fashionably late and as BigFoot Zombie goes into nearby shrubbery to “commune with nature,” Aristotle immediately takes charge of the attendees.

ARISTOTLE
Quiet people. Quiet. Settle down. I have something to say!

By this time all the event guests have stopped talking and stare questioningly at Stamas Bro Aristotle.

Aristotle looks toward the balloon lady and reaches out his hand.

ARISTOTLE
May I have a red one?

She gives him a red balloon and Aristotle continues speaking.

ARISTOTLE
As some of you know, I am the grandson of the late Jack Schaefer – the author of the book “Shane” – which is why I was cast in the motion picture. The producers want to include this fact in the marketing. But I am very much against nepotism.

The guests all simultaneously nod their heads in agreement.

ARISTOTLE
Unfortunately my brother, Stamas Bro Homer was unable to make it here today because he has business in New York to attend to. But if he was here right now I’m sure he’d back me up on my being horrified at the notion of using family connections to get ahead.

Aristotle ties his balloon onto his left wrist followed by removing from a pocket a small bottle of whisky, unscrewing the cap, and taking a swig. As he embarks on a monologue he continues to drink the whisky throughout and gets more and more inebriated.

ARISTOLE
In fact I’m not just against nepotism, but I am also very ANTI name dropping. I mean if I wanted to drop a few names I’d mention that not only am I the fruit of the loom of Grandpappy Jack, but I’m also distantly related to Burl Ives the folk singer – who is also known for lending his voice to the character of “The Snowman Narrator” in the December 6, 1964 Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Special that they STILL play on TV today! And then of course there’s another relative of mine, also from the Ives side: Charles Ives, who was an American modernist composer and is one of the first American composers of international renown. Not only that. My great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was Elder Brewster who was the Minister onboard of the Mayflower boat that arrived on the 9th of November, 1620. Google it. You’ll find there are paintings online of him by famous artists from the 1600’s. And because of his education and stature he became the LEADER of the Mayflower folks. He practically INVENTED Thanksgiving. But like I said, I’m not going to mention any of that because touting who I am related to just isn’t in my DNA!

Suddenly BigFoot Zombie jumps out from behind a bush growling!

Thankfully Stamas Bro Aristotle speaks the language of BigFoot Zombies and is able to interpret the animalistic sounds into English for the group.

ARISTOTLE
BFZ says he wants us to perform a scene from the “Shane” screenplay.

As it turns out, there is a professional interpreter in the audience who can speak in 32 animal tongues who comes forward to lend his skills. Now with BigFoot Zombie interpreter in tow for the Jack Wilson part, man and beast put on a show. This was a great way to close the event and demonstrated the exciting cutting edge artistry we have to look forward to when “Shane 2: Live from Tokyo” is completed and released. Sadly Godzilla, whose participation has been secured to embody the role of Joey Starrett, was unavailable for the brief performance.

Shane : So you’re Jack Wilson.

Jack Wilson : What’s that mean to you, Shane?

Shane : I’ve heard about you.

Jack Wilson : What have you heard, Shane?

Shane : I’ve heard that you’re a low-down Yankee liar.

Jack Wilson : Prove it.

A stunned audience slowly begins to applaud prompting SBA and BFZ take a bow.

If you would like to join the Stamas Bros Fan Club please go here. If you are a bro and have the last name “Stamas” please go here.

FIN

John Yianni Stamas at The BigFoot Zombie and Sasquatch Undead Non-Mythical Monster Event

John Yianni Stamas with BigFootZombie.com
Left to right John Yianni Stamas with BFZ at The BigFoot Zombie and Sasquatch Undead NON-Mythical Monster Event in Manhattan, NY Presented by Stamas Bro Homer and Stamas Bro Aristotle of Stamas Bros Fame (Photo Credit Stamas Bro Homer).

Did You Have the Courage to Attend?!

Were you at this unusual New York City  event? If this is the case and you didn’t lose your mind (and haven’t been institutionalized and put in a padded cell due to the odd things you witnessed)  we’d love to hear from you by leaving a message at the nonprofit sponsored Lights Camera Read website IF YOU DARE!

Brace Yourself for a Bizarre, Twisted and Utterly Weird Tale

Welcome Stamas Bros fans and lovers of the unearthly, coming your way is a story, so strange and out of the ordinary that we encourage you to turn back and not read the following unless you are utterly sure you can handle freaky and peculiar anecdotes so astonishing you could find yourself going…Well, going INSANE!

So if you’re still reading this, we’ve done our due diligence  and warned you so you are now proceeding of your own volition and curiosity of bugged out narratives!

It’s Important to Pronounce People’s Names Correctly

Web Designer, Digital Marketer and Blogger John Yianni Stamas has the last name “Stamas” and according to the audio recording at HowToPronounce.com he pronounces it correctly ([American] S-ta-mas, [British] Sta-mas). This fact pleases the event organizers who are none other than the wacky and beloved Stamas Bros – consisting of Stamas Bro Homer and Stamas Bro Aristotle – who experience deep anxiety when folks mispronounce their surname.

Event Coordinators Get Extra Support

So for extra support the Stamas Bros invite John Yianni Stamas to their NON-Mythical Monster Event for real monsters everywhere including the Abominable Snowman (Yeti was packed in ice) and the Loch Ness Monster (via Skype) as well as human monster adorers like the Manhattan Magician and folks from Harry Potter Fan Club NYC.

The affair was created by the Stamas Bros to clear up the myth that monsters are a mere figment of our imaginations. In other words monsters have the right to actually EXIST too!

The Madness Inducing Conference Goes Really Really Well (if You Consider things that are Maniacal and Spine Chilling as Going Well)

Here’s the kooky and shocking unraveling  as spun by Stamas Bro Aristotle who was shaking a bit as he bravely spoke:

“It was a beautiful and affirming thing to watch humans and monsters finally meeting face to face as brothers and sisters (note: he meant that figuratively not genetically)”

This Just In…Maybe the Happening was Not so Copacetic After All

It turns out there were glitches at the BFZSUNMME!

What the Stamas Bros did not disclose is that there were a lot of monsters, who though invited, chose not to show up. All these creatures are officially sanctuned as FMFATWs (Fearsome Monsters From Around the World) the proof of which can be found at OxfordDictionaries.com.

Oxford Dictionaries’ creature feature line up include Gremlins, Chupacabras, Manticores, Banshees, Poltergeists, Mummies, Krakens, Werewolves, Cerberuses, Succubuses, Incubuses, Cyclopses, Nandi Bears, and yes even Basiliskes (though they prefer the Greek Basiliskos, meaning ‘little king, serpent’). And last but not least, the Jersey Devil. In fact, the Jersey Devil had been selected by all the other creatures to be their spokesperson.

The Jersey Devil Monster is a Friend of BigFootZombie.com
As the ghastly account goes, in 1735 the Jersey Devil was born as a normal child to Mother Leeds who lived near the Jersey Shore. But because it was her THIRTEENTH baby, the infant changed into a creature with hooves and wings and as it flew away it shrilled out with a terrifying voice: “Too bad it’s Monday and not Friday. If it was Friday today it would be a much cooler legend!”

Said JD directly to the Stamas Bros:

“As if it’s not enough to have humiliating Jersey jokes be made about us by you Manhattan-ites, but on top of that you disrespect us by naming your shindig “The BigFoot Zombie and Sasquatch Undead NON-Mythical Monster Event.” We creatures don’t respond kindly to this name because as you know BigFoot Zombie and Sasquatch Undead are merely different monikers for the same beast! Where are our names?! I don’t see any Jersey Devil, or Godzilla or even Dracula – yeah that’s right, he self identifies as a monster too! Frankenstein as well, but then you probably knew that.”

Stamas Bro Homer steps toward JD and speaks to him earnestly while quivering.

Jersey Devil sir.”

“You can call me JD.”

“JD sir, I have only reverence for you and your kind. After all you are a fabled inhabitant of the sparsely-populated Pine Barrens region in the US state of NJ. You are a wonderful kangaroo-like creature with a fantastic horse/dog head, dragon-like wings, a tail, and horns. Plus, you’re so incredibly great that the National Hockey League team based in your state – chose in your honor to call themselves the New Jersey Devils!

JD seems to take well to being buttered up and exclaims with a blood curdling scream:

“Go Devils!”

Stamas Bro Homer, doing his best to not reveal how scared he really is,  continues.

“And since you are so terrific I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive us. We meant no disrespect.”

Stamas Bro Homer looks toward Stamas Bro Aristotle (seen on a laptop screen broadcasting from North Fork, CA, near Fresno). Stamas Bro Aristotle nods in agreement then both Bros look toward the Jersey Devil continuing to nod their heads a bit too much, possibly to cover their fear.

JD hesitates for a moment and then get a big grin.

“Oh okay, if you put it that way I guess we can absolve you just this once. But if you do this get together next year I hope you’ll simply call it “The NON-Mythical Monster Event” not naming any particular member of the horror league.”

“You got it” say the two Stamas Bros in unison.

And so everything ends happily. And again, if you were at this year’s NMME (renamed NON-Mythical Monster Event) please let us know about your experience of it no matter how abnormal, astounding or atypical!

Yianni Stamas is offended that the Stamas Bros are searching for the mythical unicorn and not BigFootZombie

Is this the fabled beast?
Is this the fabled beast?

A riled up Yianni Stamas exclaimed:

“I don’t understand. The website is named BigFoot Zombie and yet the Stamas Bros continue to search for different mythical creatures than that. The NYC Water Dragon in the Harlem River was a recent quest and now an intentionally blurry picture of a so called unicorn. It’s got to stop. Focus on BigFootZombie Stamas Bros, not lizards in water and horses with a horn. It tarnishes the last name “Stamas” for Stamas’ all over the world.”

When asking the Stamas Bros why Yianni (a web designer, digital marketer, blogger and sometime filmmaker, educator and magician) was so insulted by searching for pretend creatures other than just BFZ, the Brothers were silent. Stamas Bro Aristotle refused to answer citing that he was busy on a skiing trip in Aspen and planned to go to Bermuda afterwards. Finally Stamas Bro Homer broke down and responded from the Empire State (New York). He had this to say:

“We (the Stamas Bros) understand Yianni Stamas’ concern. We have not been focused enough as guest bloggers on BigFootZombie.com and are getting kind of off topic. We know this confuses the audience and doesn’t reflect kindly on Stamas’ everywhere. For this reason we have great remorse.”

Just when Yianni Stamas was about to back off from criticising the Stamas Bros for baffling and convoluted messaging regarding fake beings from another dimension, the brothers known as Stamas were allegedly overheard by a private detective who was wiretapping their phones. Stamas Bro Aristotle apparently suggested that the bros go in search of Chimera, a fire-breathing three-headed monster with one head of a lion, one of a snake, and another of a goat, lion claws in front and goat legs behind, and a long snake tail.

Stamas Bros Deny Photo is of the Loch Ness Monster also Known as Nessie of the Scottish Highlands

Totally Real Photo of the NYC Water Dragon
Totally Real Photo of the NYC Water Dragon

Despite the similarities of the photo shown in this blog entry to another well known one of the Loch Ness Monster, the Stamas Bros claim that after much investigative effort they snapped this picture of a creature they call the NYC Water Dragon in the Harlem River. Says Stamas Bro Homer:

“Sure it looks a lot like the Nessie image taken in Scotland, but we were staked out for hours to get this snapshot in the Inwood Manhattan water area. Ironically, we next intend to try to catch an image of Scotland’s National Animal, the unicorn. But the unicorn we are seeking is one that was first spotted in Inwood Hill Park.”